Pastor's Wisdom (John Ortberg)

There's not much I would change in this piece of "Pastor's Wisdom" from John Ortberg (except maybe to add Henri Nouwen to the final line and add, "read and live Nouwen sooner...").

"If I could begin ministry all over again, I would spend time seeking to become a healthier person, emotionally and spiritually. I spent a chunk of time serving in an area where I simply did not fit well, where some of my deepest convictions were not congruent, because I was not self-aware enough to have a clear sense of what I valued and believed. I was stuck in a tradition and setting that was familiar and comfortable, but where I did not feel like I could truly be myself; where I could not really talk about the ideas and beliefs that resonated most deeply in me. And I needed people’s approval too much to be able to serve them well. And my neediness made me too defensive to be able to learn from the criticisms that are inevitably a part of ministry.

If I could start all over again, I would spend more time in solitude getting ready for ministry. I would have spent more time getting feedback from people who knew me best. I would try to walk through the pain of letting go what I thought I needed to do and who it was I thought I needed to be so that I could have served with more freedom and effectiveness. I would try to put less pressure on my wife to be committed to my success, rather than to embrace her own gifts and calling.

I would have read Dallas Willard sooner."

(This is syndicated from Jesus Creed, and written by Scot McKnight.)

Most of this I knew in my head, and tried to live out at various times - but still too much of my value was placed on how well the church was doing (especially compared to other "successful" churches) and not on the baptismal reality / experience of identifying with Jesus in truly dying to self and rising with him, the Father's voice of affirmation and acceptance, and the immersion and saturation and covering of the Spirit of God. That image of Jesus' baptism, Nouwen insisted, must be our pattern. Ministry, and even community, must flow out of that place of knowing we are beloved and that God is well-pleased (that there's nothing God is waiting for us to do to fully rejoice over us) - otherwise we will really screw up both ministry and relationships... trust me, I know.